#teachings

"Learn from Children [10w] Children picture God as a smiley sun emanating love light."

"Dictator [10w] Clever dictators keep their friends closeand their enemies dead."

"Retail [10w] The first and last sale of the day are best."

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."

"Arches National Park, Utah BloodshotZiggurats of rock against unbending sky,sandstone fins and eyes of ancient earth behemoth.Your windows wedged by cosmic hands of rain and melting snow, of frost and ice, of gravity and geologic time, patient and untiring,self-possessed like a child's perception of endless summer."

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Poetry Calling [10w] Poetry's not a calling.It's a whispering in your ear."

"Government Intrusion [10w] + {Couplet} America's biggest illusion is the beliefthey're free from government intrusion."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Free Lunch There's no such thing as a free lunch ~for people who haven't yet learned to beat the system ;)"

"Office Depot: Taking Care of Business... ...with short breaks, bad management and no job advancement opportunities."

"Journalist asks me whether I can sit down for an interview... Sorry, I can't talk now. I'm busy writing up a storm.How about tomorrow?Sorry, tomorrow I'm bust conjuring up a tornado."

"Poetry and Ostrich Feathers A poet should leave his poem covered with a faint film of fairy dust,inviting the reader to bring his faint heartand an ostrich feather duster to the reading."

"California Haiku "After my boob jobI'm taking acting lessons.Fuck's fifty, no anal."

"Gold Diggers are Always at Two Weddings A gold digger's eyes are searching for her next husband at her wedding."

"How to Save the World [10w] When true love floods in, it could float an ark."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Broken [10w] + {Couplet} "His gifts have become broken things, hidden from my view,Sitting on a shelf, above my shoes, like exterminated Jews."

"Still Hangin' in the Child Hood [20w] You can spend an entire lifetime trying to be a child again,or never lose your childhood to begin with."

"Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges."