relationship

"Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together."

"Two people with mental issues in a relationship does not work. It's like sitting in a boat and neither one has an oar to row the other to shore. You can meet your mirror image in life, but that doesn't mean you should marry him."

"He needs "space"and "time,"as if this were physics and not a human relationship."

"Everything I’ve learned about handshakes is from hands-on experience. Due to hygiene, I only network with rubber glove manufacturers."

"Love is supposed to be based on trust, and trust on love, it's something rare and beautiful when people can confide in each other without fearing what the other person will think."

"You never know who's waiting for you and you never know when love is coming your way or who it might be. But let me just say, a healthy relationship requires SACRIFICE and DEDICATION."

"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."

"Your thorns are the best part of you."

"Why is it,"he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?""Because I like you,"she said, "and I don't want anything from you."

"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."

"I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers."

"Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from."

"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."

"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."

"Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow."

"Don't be a fool. Don't give up something important to hold onto someone who can't even say they love you."

"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"

"My girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her."

"I have rubbed shoulders with the rich, the powerful, and the armless. It’s how to network when handshakes aren’t an option."

"Often we take personally the slings and arrows of our 'abusers'. But frequently we are merely the interchangeable pawns of their own neurotic dramas. Anyone else in your position would have received the same treatment. There is nothing especially noxious or negatively noteworthy about you."