For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. A... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She’s twelve hours in the future, and exactly half a world away. No matter how hard I try, I will always be a part of her past."

"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."

"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."

"I called his broken promise heartbreaking, and he called it growing up. Oh, that’s mature—blame it on maturity."

"My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling."