"I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror."
"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."
"The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see her again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell her I love her."
"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."
"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"