"I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror."
"I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate."
"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."
"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."
"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"
"You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen."