#Silly

"I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?"

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"I always wear roller skates when I ride my bicycle. The more wheels the better, and that's what makes me a better lover. You know you want to go for a spin. I'll bring the record player, if you bring 1982 and her little sister, Elton John."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."

"I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much."

"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"I think about her sometimes, and wonder what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with. I suppose I could just stalk her Facebook page like a normal person, but that doesn’t seem as romantic as surveillance and GPS tracking."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."

"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."