#Silly

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."

"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."

"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."

"If you approach Cannes with a sense of humor, nothing is that bad. You have to take it for what it is; otherwise, it's silly."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."

"I always wear roller skates when I ride my bicycle. The more wheels the better, and that's what makes me a better lover. You know you want to go for a spin. I'll bring the record player, if you bring 1982 and her little sister, Elton John."

"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."

"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."

"I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"Comparing penis sizes is a much more nuanced and sophisticated way to determine who’s right than something as clunky and uncouth as a debate."

"Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy."

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."