#Silly

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"You know, people ask me. They say 'Dan, three years later do you really want to be drawing cat whiskers on your face?' but they don't understand. The cat whiskers, they come from within."

"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"I don’t mind waiting rooms. I’m waiting on the love of my life, so I may as well have a seat, right?"

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."

"With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?"

"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."

"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I think about her sometimes, and wonder what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with. I suppose I could just stalk her Facebook page like a normal person, but that doesn’t seem as romantic as surveillance and GPS tracking."

"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."

"Part of me really wants to believe that hope is entirely available to all of us. We don't have to embrace it. It would be sentimental and silly to say that we all need it, but it is absolutely available to all of us."