"If you merge an emergency with a mannequin, that’s how I look at networking events. To make each handshake more feel more personal, I try to wear the thinnest rubber gloves I can find."
"Standing in the kitchen when you’re hungry is torture. That’s why I moved my fridge to my dungeon, where I keep the prisoners."
"Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it."
"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"
"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."
"I make furniture that can be used as weapons. The most dangerous piece of furniture is the Loveseat."