"I’ll convert a school desk into a tricycle, because how else am I supposed to learn to love? It’s not like baseball gloves are very effective oven mitts."
"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."
"Every guy says he's not like every guy, thus proving he is like every guy. Show me a guy who's different, and I'll tell you to stop pointing at me."
"My acquaintances aren’t worth the aqua I drink after they leave me thirsting for something more meaningful. I don’t want refillable relationships—I want connections so deep they are black abysses."
"I’m hard to love, but I love hard, like my heart is the sun yearning to tan your naked body. I promise I won’t burn you."
"If a company won't hire you, why don't you start your own company? Steve Jobs created jobs, he didn't apply for them. #Startup your dreams."