"I’m more of a journalist than anyone in the mainstream media, and I write fiction. More than fiction, I write absurd nonsense surrealism, and my work has more truth."
"If you fear rejection, you won’t embrace acceptance. But don’t push yourself onto others, because they won’t pull you close."
"Every day I’m growing as a man. I’m not growing in height, but rather I’m growing in love, which makes me seem taller than I really am."
"I wear a glove to honor all the men who have given me a hand. And to think, out of all those men, they only had one hand. No wonder I never get any high-fives."
"I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills."
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."