#Odd

"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."

"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"I restrain myself from following orders—especially restraining orders. I’d like to remind my dad that my love is longer than 500 feet."

"I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley)."

"You say freak, I say unique."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."

"There's such an odd, eclectic group of people that make up the town of Plymouth, New Hampshire. I don't think I could avoid not coming out of there with a pretty good sense of humor."

"I always wear roller skates when I ride my bicycle. The more wheels the better, and that's what makes me a better lover. You know you want to go for a spin. I'll bring the record player, if you bring 1982 and her little sister, Elton John."

"All things are strange which are worth knowing."

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"Normal is over rated, and so is spelling.You want perfection? Go out and buy a spell check, but know this: Spellcheck won't keep you warm at night or love you unconditionaly. I will stick to being abnormal and a bad speller. Makes life more interesting. After all, what fun is there in being normal or perfect?"

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."