More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that."
"Nostalgia is being blind to the bad and only remembering the good. Thinking about all the love I had for her is a positively Helen-Kelleresque experience."
"I'm asexual, though occasionally I'm attracted to inanimate objects. Mainly tube-shaped objects."
"I don't own the sunset, but I have a free yearly membership to stream whenever it's on, and this is a life perk that makes me wealthy."
"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."