#delusional

"My reality is it’s nighttime. The truth is I’m just blindfolded. How many people live like me, in self-deluded darkness?"

"I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You were like that with everything I said, taking the exact opposite stance, yet completely agreeing with me. That’s how I knew you loved me."

"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me."

"I had a dream about you. We went for a walk, though we didn’t hold hands because we went in separate directions. As I walked alone I thought about how you had the funniest way of showing affection to me."

"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."

"I got a zero. That’s like a perfect ten—it’s only one away from being flawless. Remember this next time you think you have nothing."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"