#delusional

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"I got a zero. That’s like a perfect ten—it’s only one away from being flawless. Remember this next time you think you have nothing."

"I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You were like that with everything I said, taking the exact opposite stance, yet completely agreeing with me. That’s how I knew you loved me."

"I had a dream about you. We went for a walk, though we didn’t hold hands because we went in separate directions. As I walked alone I thought about how you had the funniest way of showing affection to me."

"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."

"My reality is it’s nighttime. The truth is I’m just blindfolded. How many people live like me, in self-deluded darkness?"

"Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans."

"I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."