When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler befor... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."
More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."
"She looked, but she couldn’t see. She was wearing an emotional blindfold, and though she heard me say I love you, she just didn’t listen."
"The harmonica has musical wind, and is the breath of soul. It’s like a sad, lonely I love you lost in the breeze."
"I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!"