#Joke

"The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge."

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."

"One can never have enough socks,"said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."

"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."

"Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?""Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are.""What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?""Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies."

"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself."

"I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything."

"It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one."

"In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke."

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke."

"Happiness is a big joke; let us laugh at it loud."

"I don't have a thing,"Tengo said, "except my soul.""Sounds like a job for Mephistopheles,"she said."

"Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man."

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."

"Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down."

"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."

"I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy."

"Investigation?"Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.""Good idea,"said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein."

"A joke's a very serious thing."