#Joke

"We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke."

"Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man."

"I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane."

"I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything."

"Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?""Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are.""What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?""Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies."

"In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke my friends. The soul is the punch line."

"I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy."

"In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke."

"One can never have enough socks,"said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."

"Happiness is a big joke; let us laugh at it loud."

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."

"It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one."

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."

"There's clearly humor that goes too far and humor that is violative, and we are engaged in our humor in a complex call-and-response with one another. I'm telling you a joke to see if you think that it's funny... but if one of us violates some principle or touches on a particularly tender spot of the other, normally we adjust to that and move on."

"A joke's a very serious thing."

"Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor."

"And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke..."

"I don't have a thing,"Tengo said, "except my soul.""Sounds like a job for Mephistopheles,"she said."

"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."

"Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down."