#Joke

"It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one."

"And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke..."

"Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor."

"The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge."

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."

"Happiness is a big joke; let us laugh at it loud."

"I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy."

"Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?"

"In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke."

"There's clearly humor that goes too far and humor that is violative, and we are engaged in our humor in a complex call-and-response with one another. I'm telling you a joke to see if you think that it's funny... but if one of us violates some principle or touches on a particularly tender spot of the other, normally we adjust to that and move on."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke."

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."

"Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?""Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are.""What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?""Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies."

"Investigation?"Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names.""Good idea,"said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein."

"I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell you how many times my humor, you know, what I thought was humor ended up making me the outsider. Like I'd be, I go, 'It's a joke.' And they'd go, 'Well, what was funny?' And they just thought I was insane."

"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."

"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."

"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself."