#Master

"No That's Bad Aim Shoot!That ass clown couldn't hit the broad side of a barnwith the smart photon torpedohe lifted from Area 51."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Scientology [10w] There's nothing more oppressive than the ignorance of foolish belief."

"Remorse among Thieves When a caught thief shows remorse he says to himself,"I knew I should pull off that heist differently."

"Lady Gaga Haiku A cow has a big head, deep voice, a long tongue, butLady Gaga he's not."

"Twitter Love [10w] ♥ ۵ 웃 유 ღ ♂ ♀ is2g, no b.s.dnt nd 8v3n, wen ive gt uaღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღ"

"Confucius vs. Confusion [10w] Confucius says if pussy smell like fish change the bait."

"Posthumous {Couplet} The anonymous may claim their fame posthumous;But let my words be my stake, while I'm still awake."

"Fucking 3rd World Taxi Drivers [10w] Taxi drivers have ruined more vacations than tsunamis or earthquakes."

"Knowledgeable [10w] The knowledgeable man inventoried and catalogued everything he doesn't know."

"Recipe for Love [10w] Recipe for love:compatibilityattraction ~just add penis and stir."

"My Fathers Last Words My dad was a sadist and whorehound.His last words were,'Son, I have a million dollars hidden in the."

"Poet and the Fool {Couplet} {Limerick} The fool does his ego inflate,much like a poet does his oeuvre overrate.But the truth of the matter is that neither shit matters;harsh reality shall both nitwits deflate."

"Let's Celebrate! Photoshop Turns 25 This Week [10w] I bought a fake passport on Fiverr.Don't tell Mexico."

"Why Don't You Practice What You Preach [10w] The reason I teach and preach?In order to learn."

"Las Vegas Magic! I was the greatest magician in the world.Things were going great. My agent booked me to play the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas for $100,000 per performance!When I got onstage everything suddenly disappeared.I'm not sure if it was allan illusion or a delusion,but I cashed the check anyway just to be safe."

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Death as Opportunity [10w] Death's an opportunity to wisely fill the void it leaves."

"Gold Diggers are Always at Two Weddings A gold digger's eyes are searching for her next husband at her wedding."

"Don't Quit ❣ Don't quit on love and it won't bail on you."