#mastery

"9/11 Haiku: Rudy Giuliani, Mayor of New York "Now you boxcutter, Iraqi Pete, camel fuckersreally pissed me off!"

"Why Utopias Fail When you tie several horses together and one takes the lead, they all fall."

"Say This to Her/Him and Just See What Happens... *I want to kiss you in places I've never kissed you before."

"Dressed to Kill [10w] At fashionable parties,vegetarians should not be dressed to kill."

"Romantic Ring Ceremony Define this wedding ring,with which I betroth thee unto me forever,not by the confining boundaries of it's goldbut by the empty circle within -that perfect portal to your loving heartyou have opened for me, and me alone -as I have opened mine for you."

"Omnipresence Under The Christmas Tree "I wish I was a schizophrenic with déjà vu so I could've been everywhere simultaneously."

"Dysfunctional Love We split up not because he or she didn't love us,but because they did love us in the only way they knew how."

"Dogs [10w] Dogs never lie about love,but occasionally fake an orgasm."

"Did He Do the Right Thing? I walked out of the room. I did not stay to watch my beloved draw her last breath because I didn't want all my magical memories of her tainted by the profanity of death."

"The Wonderful Wonder Between the 'Onenesses' [10w] + [10w] + [10w] + [10w] If you can imagine time running backwards, death becomes birth;The moment before conception, becomes our oneness with the universe.Therefore, we shouldn't fear death because oneness returns to oneness;The wonder that happens between these onenesses is God's gift."

"The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote."

"A Dream Come True [10w] A dream come true is a nightmare in the making."

"Out to Lunch [10w] Behind closed doors, there's nothing we rightfully can call crazy."

"California Haiku "After my boob jobI'm taking acting lessons.Fuck's fifty, no anal."

"Talking to Myself I used to talk to myself until myself criticized myself.Now I'm giving myself the silent treatment."

"What Ever Happened to Stupid? [10w] ‘I’m only human’,has become everybody’s license to fuck up."

"Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house."

"Love Scars Love leaves more scars than a ten car pile-up ~and nobody's got insurance."

"Accurs'd McDonalds, I Bite my Thumb at Thee! {Couplet} Let vex'd heavens rant and rage,This here McNigga slave ain't workin' for no McMinimum wage."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."