#positive-quotes

"In a True Global World... [10w] Famous people should be allowed to travel without a passport."

"How they Measure Self-Worth in Fort Worth: Actual Texas Hooker Quote (the irony is priceless!) "Quit fucking acting like y'alls have me all figured outand don't you ever, EVER, lump me into the category of your trashy hooker girlfriend who charges $100/hr. for full service. Shit, I charge $200 minimum now ~because after the year of being at the bottom I know my self worth."

"Long Term Relationships [10w] Long term relationships should begin and end with a laugh."

"Let's Celebrate! Photoshop Turns 25 This Week [10w] I bought a fake passport on Fiverr.Don't tell Mexico."

"Pamela Anderson Haiku Ben Stillerbeds Pamela Anderson.My alarm clock rings"

"Regret [10w] Regret's more about lost opportunities than about paths we've chosen."

"Idiots vs. Fools [10w] Idiots listen to other's bullshit;fools listen to their own."

"Owlish [10w] If owls are wise,why are they flat faced fucks?"

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"Love Poetry [10w] Love poetry is simply bleeding on the page with ink."

"Objective Journalism Foreign journalists will always compromise objectivity to preserve relationships that give them better access."

"Lotto If I won a million bucks in Lotto,I'd give it to Charity.Charity gives great head."

"Avery If a boy named Avery marries a girl named Avery,will they name or just label their children?"

"Don't Mess with the Queen {Couplet} The first man harnessing the secrets of fireCannot compare with the revelation of your sovereign ire."

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."

"Dsylıxǝa Hey, it isn't cool to make fun of people with Dsʎlıxǝaʎou dɯub pircʞ ¡!¡"

"Alaska State Motto North to the Future.We got highest rape and STD-rate in the nation."

"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."

"Love vs. Mental Illness [10w] Love, like mental illness, comes on graduallyand then suddenly."

"A Loaf of Challah Haiku A loaf of challah,a bottle of Rashi wine...For everything else there's Simply Manischewitz."