#positive-thoughts

"Fat Bungee Jumpers When I watch a fat woman bungee jumpI swear I can feel the earth leaving its orbit."

"Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!""Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention."

"Original Thoughts [10w] Original thoughts are not diminished by days, distance or disregard."

"Poetry in a Bottle [10w] If you could bottle poetry you'd have one addictive drink."

"Silly String [10w] Life' an absurdity radiating from a spine of silly string."

"La Récolteuse de la Mort Je suis la Récolteuse de la Mort et ~vous êtes ce que je viens pour les!"

"Poets Job Description [10w] Poets console the soul with words and eyes with images."

"Using the Backdoor If we compare writing computer code to sex,then hacking would be anal sex."

"Movies [10w] Movies were invented to sellbuttery snacks and sugary drinks"

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"A Suicide's Regret "I cut my vein in vain;blood slowly oozes out.I should've cut an arteryand watch it spurt and spout."

"Neanderthal Poetry A poem should come as quick as lightningand create the awe Neanderthals felt cringing in their caves when hearing a clap of thunder."

"3 Surefire Ways to Win a Man You sucking my cock made our relationship interesting.You taking it up your ass made it meaningful.You cooking me dinner made it lasting."

"A Chuck Yeager Moment {Couplet} There's a sonic boom resonating in my head as I break through the 2000 HP follower watershed."

"Let Others Speak [10w] When others speak of your virtues they grow tenfold."

"Ferdinand VII of Spain {Couplet} He who can false loyalty feignshall sit twice upon the throne of Spain."

"Before you can successfully make friends with others, first you have to become your own friend."

"Spirochetes [10w] + {Couplet} Even amongst the spirochetes,there are the privileged and elites."

"Visual Pun [10w] Example of visual pun:cloud shaped like a banana peel."

"Err [10w] My dear, "To err is human — to forgive, to redefine."