#relationships

"My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father."

"DNA [10w] DNA's the last hope of our species,spiraling to extinction."

"During my darkest hour, life threw me some curves. Thankfully they were in the shape of a woman’s body."

"Rejection is an opportunity for your selection."

"In a gust of guts and gusto, I told her of my love for her. Then, like a tornado, she spun what I said into something that terrorized Kansas."

"I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not."

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."

"I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway."

"I use two yards of wrapping paper per one inch of present. Luckily I gave you the gift of love, so I was able to wrap it in tinfoil. Uncover before reheating."

"I'm hanging on to her memory like Spanish moss on an ancient Florida oak, and unlike the sunset, my love won't fade."

"We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us."

"Her love is more aww than awe, and even if were awesome, I want aweall, not merely some awe. I’m greedy for the amazing."

"Unwitting Measure [10w] + {Couplet} "You I love and treasurein an equal, unwitting measure."

"Il Principe 2015: Lesson 2 ~ Shit If you're going to run for public office,you must first scrape the shit off your shoe,or the stink will follow you."

"To respect the dignity of a relationship also implies accepting the end when it comes. Except in my mind, except in my dreams, where the aftertaste of her still lingers."

"Love doesn’t have to be on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t have to be by the time you turn eighteen or thirty-three or fifty-nine. It doesn’t have to conform to whatever is usual. It doesn’t have to be kismet at once, or rhapsody by the third day.It just has to be. In time. In place. In spirt.It just has to be."

"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."

"Using the Backdoor If we compare writing computer code to sex,then hacking would be anal sex."

"Invisible Attraction What's invisible to the eye is that as you move towards love,love moves towards you."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were playing with chicken livers and told me everyone was in quarantine."