#sacred-teachings

"Shiva Haiku Sitting shiva.One more day of thisand I'll die of boredom."

"Ars Poetica: Write Poetry on a Black Slate Poetry should be written on a black slate of imagination,the poet artfully allowing images to emerge from the dark."

"Hi-Yo Silver! Away! [10w] "Kimosabe, me wanna fuckum Pamela, pronto.My teepee's blue."Tonto"

"3 Surefire Ways to Win a Man You sucking my cock made our relationship interesting.You taking it up your ass made it meaningful.You cooking me dinner made it lasting."

"Crest Toothpaste: Look, Ma, no cavities!... ...that'll really piss off the TSA agents looking for contraband."

"but,=""soft!=""what=""light=""through=""yonder=""window=""breaks?"=""[10w]="""Shut the fuck up! I think we got a burglar."

"Where's Ralph Waldo Emerson When you Need Him? A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds;as opposed to bigger hobgoblins with bigger dicks, doing all sorts of ghoulish shit behind the Venetian blinds."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"Diplomacy The diplomat's expert way of saying 'They should go fuck themselves' is:"We are agreed in principleand will take our minor differencesunder thoughful consideration."

"Fucking 3rd World Taxi Drivers [10w] Taxi drivers have ruined more vacations than tsunamis or earthquakes."

"Pedestals [10w] People should not be placed on pedestals unless they're stuffed."

"Ringtones Haiku 'Oy! Dai, da-ye-nu,Dai, da-ye-nu, Dai, da-ye-nu...'"Answer your fucking phone!"

"Whisper into My Good Ear [10w] "Pour your fears, fantasies, desires into my ear of corn."

"Southern Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Sure nuff, I'm happier than a cat on a formerly hot tin roofwhich now usesNXT Cool Zone® heat reflecting roof coating ~but I'm still ornier than a mule on loco weedand a whole lot hornier than a two-dicked billy goat.You gots any coatin' for dat?"

"What Ever Happened to Stupid? [10w] ‘I’m only human’,has become everybody’s license to fuck up."

"Journalist asks me whether I can sit down for an interview... Sorry, I can't talk now. I'm busy writing up a storm.How about tomorrow?Sorry, tomorrow I'm bust conjuring up a tornado."

"Grandma's Advice on Ambition "Children, if you aim for the stars you'll be impaled by small meteorites and become toast."

"Fashion [10w] Clothes makes the man.Fashion, above all, makes the President."

"Rainbows and Gratuitous Violence Whenever I see a rainbow, I want to punch a penguin in the face."

"Self-Motivation [10w] "Today I'll do something more extraordinarythan I did yesterday."