#sacred-teachings

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."

"Penetration [10w] The difference between truism and an enlightened [10w] is penetration."

"Enigmatic Real Estate I choose to live on the edge of mysterywith its inscrutable view of complexityhedged by perplexity.Also, there's a Walmart nearby."

"Men Be Forewarned! [20w] A man caught in the embrace of the wrong womanis like having his penis caught in a bear trap."

"Life is like a sandwich!Birth as one slice,and death as the other.What you put in-between the slices is up to you.Is your sandwich tasty or sour?Allan Rufus.org"

"Thai-kus From the dark starfishof the 300 Baht whoremy white sperm bubbles.Reclining BuddhaBirds nest in your golden ears.What wisdom they hear."

"Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house."

"Love's Reward [10w] + {Couplet} Love repaid is love's reward;recompense fair towards being adored."

"Sixty is the New Fifty The good news is sixty is the new fifty.The bad news is twenty is the new ten."

"The Albanian Art of Subtle Seduction [10w] "You have an amazing mind now show me your tits."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"The 2-Step Self-Discovery Program The first step in self-discovery is not giving a shit what anybody else thinks.The second step is knowing you're a self-centered asshole."

"Visual Pun [10w] Example of visual pun:cloud shaped like a banana peel."

"Why We Need Smart People [10w] We need smart people to call other smart people morons."

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side of the Hill That's because my lawn is on a south-facing slope of the hill and more more open to sunlight and warm winds. It's dryer due to higher levels of evapotranspiration than my neighbor's greener north-facing slope.I'm not the least bit envious of the color of his greener grass.I'm just pissed that the prick owns a better piece of real estate."

"Home Never give up a home for a house;you may never find a home again."

"Southern Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Sure nuff, I'm happier than a cat on a formerly hot tin roofwhich now usesNXT Cool Zone® heat reflecting roof coating ~but I'm still ornier than a mule on loco weedand a whole lot hornier than a two-dicked billy goat.You gots any coatin' for dat?"

"Birds [10w] When a bird wakens, flight is no longer a dream."

"Becoming [10w] We're a becoming whose final shape is unknown to all."