#sacred-teachings

"California Haiku "After my boob jobI'm taking acting lessons.Fuck's fifty, no anal."

"Getting Real about the Eel It's not that eel wants to avoid commitment.From the eel's point of view, it is a matter of survival.Who the fuck wants to be with an eel anyway,when there are plenty of less slippery fish."

"Expectation [10w] Eyes that see with expectation lieby not querying, 'Why."

"The Delinquent Girl Chronicles Ages 7-11: Skip ropeAges 12-16: Skip classAge 17: Skip periodAge 18: Skip coming homeAge 19: Skip town"

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Love Fades [10w] Like our love,Chinese painters show distance in faded grays."

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"Hypocrisy [10w] Religion without hypocrisy doesn't exist;that's man's imperfection, not God's."

"War [10w] Fight wars not to win, but so our enemies don't."

"Movies [10w] Movies were invented to sellbuttery snacks and sugary drinks"

"Wedding Veil [10w] + {Couplet} A wedding veil's of no availbecause virginity's a fairy-tale."

"Who is Fortunate? [10w] Who is fortunate?He who measures his fortune in friends."

"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."

"Misfortune Misfortune is but a stepping stone to great fortune ~especially if your slip and fall was possibly caused by negligenceand you get yourself a good Jew lawyer to sue the parties responsible."

"Speak to the Head [10w] + {Couplet} Tis of no fucking availTo speak to the tail."

"Finally, I Know Who I Am You are what you eat.~ Ludwig Andreas FeuerbachWe become what we think about.~ Earl NightingaleI'm a Horny Pizza!"

"California [10w] No two snowflakes are alike,unless they're California yoga practitioners."

"How to Treat Your Lover {Couplet} If you want to learn how your lover best to treat,Pretend each time is the last time you'll ever meet."