#sacred-teachings

"Whose Asphalt Is It? [10w] The road to mediocrity is paved with asphalt and tarmac."

"Relatively Speaking [10w] The irony about 'relativism theories' is that they're relative too."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"UPS [10w] Women at work judge the UPS man by his package."

"Murder [10w] Two coats of paint doen't get rid of a ghost."

"Minimum Wage [10w] Even trained bears couldn't bear working for bare minimum wage."

"Jealousy [10w] Jealousy's like being reprimanded for a crime you haven't committed."

"Eyes of Heaven To see through the eyes of heavenis to look upon your fellow manand only see the good in him."

"Fodder for Poets [10w] Childhood memories are the most seminal sustenance for creating poetry."

"Thorn [5w] Every thorn has its rose."

"A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap."

"Dysfunctional Love We split up not because he or she didn't love us,but because they did love us in the only way they knew how."

"Optimists vs. Death [10w] Optimists are hopeful people who see a coffin as half-full."

"Travel [10w] The difference between a traveler and vacationer is one arrives."

"First Things First [10w] God created the possibility of absurditybefore he created man."

"Poetry Trek: 'To Boldly Go Where No man Has Gone Before' A poet must get into spaceship every dayand launch himself into metaphorical space."

"Brewing Poetry Comma sips between the lines,insights percolate into a 10w,a latte sonnet here, a cappuccino couplet there.A few smartass epiphanies,and something new in every brew.One final fix,voilà, the poem is fixed!I adore this caffeine,that alchemises the extraordinary into the routine,and vice versa with the unforseen.It turns blue aquamarine,and words into Mexican jumping beans."

"Memory Foam [10w] She had an ass like an elephants memoryfoam pillow."

"My Fathers Last Words My dad was a sadist and whorehound.His last words were,'Son, I have a million dollars hidden in the."

"Hatred is a Simple Child Hatred is a simple child nurtured and coddled in a raging heart and then released into a crowd of innocents wearing a suicide vest."