#sacred-teachings

"Crawling Backwards [10w] Crawling backwards is the hardwired wisdom of crabs and survivors."

"Let's get physical, physical [10w] All physical contact is meaningful,even if meaningful means sleazy."

"Sometimes God is Drunk [10w] Satan's sudden appearance means God is on a drinking binge."

"The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat."

"Miracle [10w] The greatest unacknowledged miracle is man has lasted this long."

"Kansas Haiku "Ya' know Superman'sfrom here and Jor-El could'vesent him to New York."

"Washington State Motto Al-Ki. [25]America's most rainy, PC and annoying state."

"Straight Men vs. Curved Women [10w] 'Straight' men who approach 'curved' women must'mind the gap'."

"Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: It's the cheesiest... ...advertising slogan ever!"

"Six-Pack [10w] A six-pack of beer's inversely proportional to six-pack of abs."

"Income Tax [10w] A man's income tax return measures his integrity and stupidity."

"You're My Favorite' If you want all your children to know they're your favorite,give them all the same nameand whisper this confession in all their earswith the promise not to telltheir brothers and sisters."

"When in Doubt [10w] If your relationship becomes stagnant,set fire to her dress."

"Love's War [10w] In love's war there aren't winners and losers ~just casualties."

"How to Treat Your Lover {Couplet} If you want to learn how your lover best to treat,Pretend each time is the last time you'll ever meet."

"Overheard at McDonalds "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.Are you going to finish those fries?"

"Where the Fuck is Waldo Even whens I finds Waldothat crackhead nigga won't cough up the five dollars he owes me."

"Birds [10w] When a bird wakens, flight is no longer a dream."

"Wedding Veil [10w] + {Couplet} A wedding veil's of no availbecause virginity's a fairy-tale."

"God vs. Satan [10w] Why can't God and Satan get along?They're both detail-oriented."