#sage-advice

"Government Intrusion [10w] + {Couplet} America's biggest illusion is the beliefthey're free from government intrusion."

"Second Opinions My doctor told me I have pancreatic cancer and have 2 months to live.I asked him about getting a second opinion.The Doc said, 'No problem.'He thought for a second and said,'I think the Boston Red Sox are going to win the series again this year."

"When Old Age Begins Old age seizes center stagewhen more people we love are amidst the deadthan amongst the living."

"The Tigger Journals [10w] "Honestly, I'd rather be alone than with that unbearable Winnie-the-Pooh."

"Thai-kus From the dark starfishof the 300 Baht whoremy white sperm bubbles.Reclining BuddhaBirds nest in your golden ears.What wisdom they hear."

"The Machismo Motto [10w] "When we are not hard as nails we get screwed."

"The AP Stylebook is Useless {Couplet} I can't abbreviate abbreviation nor know how to initialize an acronym,I can find the contraction for contraction nor the précis for a homonym."

"Sharia Justice [10w] Sharia justice is a lynch mob masquerading as Allah's will."

"1953 It seems the world has gone downhill since the year Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Everest."

"Man vs. Chimp Even chimpanzees are toolmakers,but only man has the unique honor of being a Godmaker."

"Embalming [10w] Injecting baking soda whitens, freshens, and softens the dearly departed."

"Clairol 2: Hair color so natural only her hairdresser knows for sure... ...but he's gay and already Tweeted it to 300 people."

"Your Poem A poem is a waking dream.If your poem is shit,then it was a fucking nightmare."

"O God O God I love you.I worship you, I need you.Everything I am is because of you.Everything.O God I hate you."

"The 'Ugly' Poet [10w] Poets develop cleverness with wordsto compensate for their unattractiveness."

"Be Careful What You Wish For More often than not,a dream come true is a nightmare-in-the-making."

"Hello Poetry Needs Y'allz How empty the oceans would be were it only filled with orcas."

"Credo of a Substitute Teacher I'm a 'sugar free' substitute teacher.I speak frankly and never gave any of my studentsa single word of encouragement.Why should I? Even after 10 years the school hasn't given me a pension, health insurance or paid sick leave.So fuck 'em.Fuck 'em all."

"My Brooklyn Childhood [10w] "Motherfucker! I gotta put more goddamn change in the swear-jar."

"Time Time waits for no man ~but for hot women Time makes exceptions."