#sage-advice

"California Haiku "After my boob jobI'm taking acting lessons.Fuck's fifty, no anal."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Mint Julep {Couplet} I've had more than a hint of a tulip or two,after treating them to a mint julep, or two."

"Read vs. Write If you want to know about life second hand, read;if you want to experience life directly, write."

"The Squeaky Wheel The squeaky wheel ~will put you $374.43 in the holeafter replacing the brake pad, rotorsand $500 with a new master cylinder."

"Detonation vs. Pre-Ignition [10w] Poets have thin skins;physicists call this differential burn rates."

"The Fate of Prodigies [10w] Early to peak, early to deal with obsolescence and obscurity."

"Coffee Wisdom [2] For a real manthe only thing better than the scent of pussyis the smell of freshly ground coffee."

"The Stink of Hate {Couplet} When haters write they raise a stink;must be the venom coursing through their ink."

"Yams vs. Sweet Potatoes vs. Cassava vs. Popeye [10w] "I am that I am that I am a yam."

"In a True Global World... [10w] Famous people should be allowed to travel without a passport."

"You're Totally Fucked' Defined [10w] What's before you is hopeless and behind you is negligible."

"Sixty is the New Fifty The good news is sixty is the new fifty.The bad news is twenty is the new ten."

"Is Prayer Only for Man? I [10w] Does God pray for His creation's in Heaven and Earth?"

"What Children See [10w] "A spider is an octopus who lives in the desert."

"Sumerian Haiku Sumerian whoregrabs my wedge, says: 'I love aman in cuneiform."

"Poetry and Love [10w] Poetry and love are two faces of the same coin."

"They'd Rather Switch [10w] Hearing is wasted on the blind;sight, on the deaf."

"Penetration [10w] The difference between truism and an enlightened [10w] is penetration."

"Publisher's Persuasion "You're much too good a writer to want a six figure advance. You don't want your readers to think you're only writing for money ~ do you?"