#sage-advice

"Paranoid Realist Perspective [10w] "I've conquered all my enemies except for the real ones."

"A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap."

"Enough [10w] Enough's the only thing most people can't get enough of."

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Do Me No Favors Haiku 'Do me no favors ~I can take care of myself.So, pay the check and drive me home."

"Children and Food [10w] Once children order like grown-upsfood's lost its sweet innocence."

"Friendship vs. Love [10w] Friendship requires poise and patience;love demands pluck and perseverance."

"Mmm Mmm Good Gimmick Campbell's Soup announced todayit's introducing 'QWERTY' soupfor our more computer literate children.Who are they kidding?They're just relabeling the old Alphabet Soup."

"Rebellious Fish [10w] Sometimes swimming against the current turns you into glazed salmon."

"Coffee Wisdom [2] For a real manthe only thing better than the scent of pussyis the smell of freshly ground coffee."

"Don’t Let the Dead Fish Fool You [10w] Even the eyes of a dead fish can reflect light."

"Say No to Drugs Commercials The image of an egg sizzling in a frying pan is not your brain on drugs.It's just a fucking omelet."

"Atheism [10w] Atheism is the tragic triumph of cold contemptuousness over gratitude."

"Dictator [10w] Clever dictators keep their friends closeand their enemies dead."

"Democracy, Really [10w] A democracy is free to replace one tyranny with another."

"Alone [10w] Alone in bed because of three wordsI hadn't said."

"A Suicide's Regret "I cut my vein in vain;blood slowly oozes out.I should've cut an arteryand watch it spurt and spout."

"Prickly Pears [10w] Men are often like cactus fruits ~thorny outside,mushy inside."

"Why I Don't Carry a Cellphone [10w] It's a sign of servility you can be contacted anytime."

"Great Poets [10w] Great poets can milk blood and tears from a stone."