#self-esteem-self-help-book

"Let's Face It [10w] If you've peed on enough fire hydrants, you're a dog."

"Cinco de Mayo [10w] What day do the dead party to celebrate the living?"

"Who, Me? We marry nearly the same person over and over again,hoping next time they'll get it right."

"Soar Like a Pigeon [10w] Better be a pigeon than an eagle with Indians around."

"Six-Pack [10w] A six-pack of beer's inversely proportional to six-pack of abs."

"Tangled [10w] Love becomes a tangle of roots submerged in common soil."

"Catalyst [10w] You're not lying if your lie helps engender the truth."

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Death Ride Denied At the stables of your agonyDeath brought his morbid mareTo whisk you from your woeful wantsAnd coax you from your cares.A ride you did deny this princeAnd bid him soft farewell,Hoping the morrow must be brighter sinceYour yesterdays were hell."

"Second Opinions My doctor told me I have pancreatic cancer and have 2 months to live.I asked him about getting a second opinion.The Doc said, 'No problem.'He thought for a second and said,'I think the Boston Red Sox are going to win the series again this year."

"Tonight is For the Dying I've seen it grow dark ten-thousand times, yet never once mourned the loss of light, until tonight. Tonight I'm dying, dying, dying; before morn I may be ash in an urn, I know the light will return, maybe keeping ablaze its promise to others. Maybe not.If I had my druthers, the others would bedying, dying, dying, too,tonight."

"Liberating Dreams [10w] God was with Joseph in prison.They escaped through dreams."

"Pulling a Houdini Relationships are magic;we're always getting each other out of handcuffs and strait-jacketswhile locked in a steamer trunk underwater."

"Optimists vs. Death [10w] Optimists are hopeful people who see a coffin as half-full."

"Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!""Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention."

"Obscure Poetry Obscurity does not make a poem better or deeper.It simply makes it obscure."

"Hate [10w] Love cannot hate eradicate ~only a more ruthless hate can."

"You Can't Win [10w] Every bitch is a witch;every wife brings you strife."

"Poetry Should Dance [10w] Let poetry dance ~neither outpace it nor let it lag."

"Maintaining the Distance between Wealth and Poverty [10w] The nouveau riche are far more ruthlessthan the rich."