#self-improvement-book

"Witticisms The greatest reward for coming up with some witty turn of phraseis that some day, if you're lucky,it may wind up in a fortune cookieat the very Chinese restaurant you're eating in!But if you get a big head about it,know it wasn't the flattery,it was the MSG."

"Poetry and Ostrich Feathers A poet should leave his poem covered with a faint film of fairy dust,inviting the reader to bring his faint heartand an ostrich feather duster to the reading."

"Love Scars Love leaves more scars than a ten car pile-up ~and nobody's got insurance."

"Goat Fucking for Dummies You gently fuck a female goat ~you got to ram the malesto make any progress."

"Poetry vs. Prose [10w] Prose is the bread of imagination;poetry is the wine."

"Sometimes Magic is What Disappears [10w] + {Couplet} Love's tragic, not ecstatic;with finespun change, disappears the magic."

"Privacy [10w] Why someone prefers his privacy is itself a private matter."

"Rain Check I'm a shitty typist and speller, I hunt and peck,I wrote, "i LeFt mY sWeEtToOtH iN yOuR nEcKoF tHe WoOdS, cOuLd YoU pLeAsE bRiNgIt BeCk."Surprisingly, you did,and left."rAiN cHeCk."

"Fate [10w] The eternal point where our dreams intersect is called fate."

"A Moment Before Impact [10w] The deer's eyes were moonstones, reflecting back my car's headlights."

"Brewing Poetry Comma sips between the lines,insights percolate into a 10w,a latte sonnet here, a cappuccino couplet there.A few smartass epiphanies,and something new in every brew.One final fix,voilà, the poem is fixed!I adore this caffeine,that alchemises the extraordinary into the routine,and vice versa with the unforseen.It turns blue aquamarine,and words into Mexican jumping beans."

"Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!""Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention."

"Glow in the Dark "You've led me from stark nightwith a love that glows in the dark."

"Mood Swings 'ᏰέƦẙḽԃṏሁ's the most "unappreciated"poet on this site.Being "misunderstood"is what gets him into a fight.Now that I'm retired and free,He's the new "King"of HP ~Now I hate that Jew because he's better and right."

"Hate Recycle Bin When you empty your hate recycle binit frees up more memory to write even better poetry.Just try it and tell me this isn't true!"

"In the Future [1]: (criminals) In the future we're going to find a wayto turn criminals into wordsand then place them in parentheses."

"Enmity Enmity is the soul of shit."

"The Hand that Feeds You Don't bite the hand that feeds you ~unless you're in a haunted houseand the fucking hand isn't attached to anything."

"Pushkin When Pushkin came to Shovekin all hell broke loose."

"Don't Mess with the Queen {Couplet} The first man harnessing the secrets of fireCannot compare with the revelation of your sovereign ire."