#self-improvement-book

"Dictator [10w] Clever dictators keep their friends closeand their enemies dead."

"Pussy [10w] Her pussy was heaven's gate and the backdoor of hell."

"New Year Resolutions I [10w] Change my voice;unclog my ears;open my heart."

"Marriage [10w] The only thing better than forgiveness in marriage is forgetfulness."

"Let's Celebrate! Photoshop Turns 25 This Week [10w] I bought a fake passport on Fiverr.Don't tell Mexico."

"Gone to the Dogs [10w] All ideals corrupt into ideology to sustain the social order."

"Witchcraft vs. Wordcraft [10w] Covens of witches convened at their annual unconventional Coven’s Convention."

"Fodder for Poets [10w] Childhood memories are the most seminal sustenance for creating poetry."

"Hook 'em I know how to leave them satisfied and hungry for more ~with a carefully administered shot of insulin."

"Love on Fire [10w] A man in love cannot see fire or smell smoke."

"Omnipresence Under The Christmas Tree "I wish I was a schizophrenic with déjà vu so I could've been everywhere simultaneously."

"Pedestals [10w] People should not be placed on pedestals unless they're stuffed."

"How to Save the World [10w] When true love floods in, it could float an ark."

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"Time Time waits for no man ~but for hot women Time makes exceptions."

"Remorse among Thieves When a caught thief shows remorse he says to himself,"I knew I should pull off that heist differently."

"Before It's Too Late [10w] Life's too transient to waste time hating ~plot revenge now!"

"Talking to Myself I used to talk to myself until myself criticized myself.Now I'm giving myself the silent treatment."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Crest Toothpaste: Look, Ma, no cavities!... ...that'll really piss off the TSA agents looking for contraband."