#spiritual-wisdom

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Paranoid Realist Perspective [10w] "I've conquered all my enemies except for the real ones."

"Good vs. Great [10w] To be good twice is a true mark of greatness."

"Natural Born Killers [10w] After their first,every soldier becomes a natural born killer."

"Hook 'em I know how to leave them satisfied and hungry for more ~with a carefully administered shot of insulin."

"Stumble When you don't know how to end a sentence you've stumbled upon a truth."

"Goose Neck [10w] Whenever a goose has a car accident, the traffic sucks."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"The Delinquent Girl Chronicles Ages 7-11: Skip ropeAges 12-16: Skip classAge 17: Skip periodAge 18: Skip coming homeAge 19: Skip town"

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"GPS for Sin "You've entered the point of no return;Re-cal-cu-la-ting."

"Washington State Motto Al-Ki. [25]America's most rainy, PC and annoying state."

"Spineless [10w] There are more spineless men on the planet than jellyfish."

"Rain Check I'm a shitty typist and speller, I hunt and peck,I wrote, "i LeFt mY sWeEtToOtH iN yOuR nEcKoF tHe WoOdS, cOuLd YoU pLeAsE bRiNgIt BeCk."Surprisingly, you did,and left."rAiN cHeCk."

"Selfie [10w] For the millennial generationa selfie is a family portrait."

"Her words are her wings. She's flying."

"Visual Pun [10w] Example of visual pun:cloud shaped like a banana peel."

"Boundaries [10w] Receiving bribes blurs the clear boundaries between friends and enemies."

"Prayer [10w] Despite God's grace, prayer is not a wish granting well."