Beryl Dov

"Depression Busy people have neither the time nor the swimming skills to take a divein a pool of depression."

"God May Grant Your Wishes Daily [10w] Pray for sunshine at night and moonbeams when you wake."

"Rat Trap Haiku 'Hmm, 12 by 13,4 by 9. Oy! You call thisrat trap an apartment?"

"Vapers I bought a vape pen from a vaporium.The vapologist advised meto get the model with the refillable vape tank.When the fuck did smoking become so vapid?"

"Till Death Do You Part [10w] Marriage will indeed change people ~for better or for worse."

"Keep Austin Weird Haiku Neck dragon tattoo, piercings, purple haired kindergarten teacher.Keep Austin weird."

"Spooning [10w] Love means tasting her spaghetti sauce on a wooden spoon."

"Enmity Enmity is the soul of shit."

"Illinois State Motto State sovereignty, national union.Life begins and ends with corruption."

"Hellman's Mayonnaise: Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best... ...artery clogger since Burger King’s Triple Whopper with Cheese."

"Women Kissing :-)*(-: Women kissing publicly it has all the sincerity of an Israeli soldier hugging a Palestinian secretly checking for an explosive vest.* ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿’̿’̵͇̿̿з=(இಠ ᴈ muah εఠയ=/̵͇̿̿/̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿*自"

"Time is Not a Constant [10w] Time speeds up, crawls, compresses and expands depending on mood."

"Imitation [10w] Art imitates life.Life imitates art.I just imitate imitation."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Kraft Macaroni & Cheese: It's the cheesiest... ...advertising slogan ever!"

"Gifts Never look a gift horse in the assor a donkey in the mouth."

"Wheaties: Breakfast of Champions... who'll endorse any product for a price."

"Las Vegas Magic! I was the greatest magician in the world.Things were going great. My agent booked me to play the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas for $100,000 per performance!When I got onstage everything suddenly disappeared.I'm not sure if it was allan illusion or a delusion,but I cashed the check anyway just to be safe."

"Madness [10w] Madness isn't an objective state,it is a cultural bias."