"A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement."
"I must be a great leader because many people follow me. Most of the people are police officers, if that gives you any indication of my character."
"Mannequin parts disassembled and discombobulated coming together for a good cause—to sell some clothes. That’s what charity is all about."
"77 degrees in the fall feels cold, and 77 degrees in the spring feels hot. That’s why I’m selling year-round-nudity for half-price."
"The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special."
"If I could convert books to wine, I’d start with The Grapes of Wrath. I’ve never read it, but maybe tonight I’ll be thirsty enough."