As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She’s not a pothead. That thing on her neck is a vase. And anyway, I’m all for legalization. After all, why should surrealism be illegal?"

"I don’t want to develop—I want to evelop, because it’s more positive. Similarly, would you rather your love evolve or devolve? That’s why if you need me, I’ll be on the sofa trying to evelop myself as a person."

"Relationships are like water. If you grab tight, clamping and clenching to gain control, you’ll lose it all. Instead, cup your hand gently, so she feels free to drink until her thirst is quenched."

"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."

"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."