"I just bought a bag of potato chips. It was a smart buy, because when this world runs out of clean air, I’ll have plenty in that one little purchase."
"I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time."What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?"
"Based on the questions we both answered, we’re a 0% love match. That means we’re 100% compatible, once I enlighten her to the correct perspective on life."
"My soul is invisible, like an anorexic’s dinner, but it sure enhances how I feel about my body."
"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."
"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."