"I just bought a bag of potato chips. It was a smart buy, because when this world runs out of clean air, I’ll have plenty in that one little purchase."
"I wrote you a love letter. I used invisible ink to show I was being transparent with my feelings. And also to hide my feelings."
"I have a lot of faith. I mean, I believe I do."
"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."
"One in four people have a mental illness. You can be the one to make it two in four, if you’ll join me for a dance."
"A sofa on an elevator would be like a slow roller coaster where you get to work on your small talk skills. Oh yes, I am an adrenaline junky."