"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"I feel like dancing. If I bring an extra wheelchair for you, would you like to join me?"
"As a fiction writer, let me make it up, and let me make it up to you. I’ll pen our love story, if you’ll be my co-author."
"I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller."
"Who we were and who we are are four different people, and the me from now doesn't relate to the me from then, let alone to the you from now."
"We made love like two coiled up fire hoses. When there’s no fire in the romance, why not act like a couple of sleeping snakes?"