"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."
"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."
"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."
"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."
"I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an NSA employee."