"When it’s raining, instead of using an umbrella, try holding an empty drinking glass above your head. That’s exactly how I thirst for your love."
"I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist."
"I was in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky. I would have held up my index finger, but I wasn't in love that long."
"I’m late to dinner, but I’m early to being in love. I’m such a gentleman that I hold every door open—even if the guy sitting in the bathroom stall is protesting."
"When people say they don’t understand my generation, I like to point out that it’s not “my” generation. I’m only co-owner with a 50% stake."
"Peanut butter and jelly is like the older, more serious brother to egg salad sandwich. I’m an only child, so I eat both with incredible sadness."