"When it’s raining, instead of using an umbrella, try holding an empty drinking glass above your head. That’s exactly how I thirst for your love."
"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."
"I wrote you a love letter, and I sent it snail mail. Love is forever, and that’s about how long it’ll take to get to you."
"My acquaintances aren’t worth the aqua I drink after they leave me thirsting for something more meaningful. I don’t want refillable relationships—I want connections so deep they are black abysses."
"I make friends as easily as water freezes in an active volcano. Remember: handshakes feel more natural if you leave your rubber gloves at home. Unless you enjoy networking in public restrooms."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."