"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."
"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."
"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."
"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."
"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."
"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."