#master-key

"Pamela Anderson Haiku Ben Stillerbeds Pamela Anderson.My alarm clock rings"

"Committees [10w] A committee sits in a rectangle and talks in circles."

"Moment of Truth 'Moment of truth' is derived fromthe Spanish momento de la verdad, that Hemingway epiphanous moment when the matador is about to kill the bull. Now it means the moment you realize you won't make it back to the parking meter before it expires ~sometimes expressed as, Motherfucker!"

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Too Much Information You must empty your mind of garbage to let new garbage in."

"No That's Bad Aim Shoot!That ass clown couldn't hit the broad side of a barnwith the smart photon torpedohe lifted from Area 51."

"If You Can't Think, You've No Right to Speak [10w] Our Constitution's guarantee of free speech specifically excludes fucking idiots."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"A Moment Before Impact [10w] The deer's eyes were moonstones, reflecting back my car's headlights."

"Memory Foam [10w] She had an ass like an elephants memoryfoam pillow."

"Indiscernible Love [10w] True love's so effortless, others can hardly see it's happening."

"Knowledge vs. Wisdom [10w] + [10w] Knowledge is the understanding that you are what you eat. Wisdom is not eating a pussy with hair on it."

"What Children See [10w] "A spider is an octopus who lives in the desert."

"A Suicide's Regret "I cut my vein in vain;blood slowly oozes out.I should've cut an arteryand watch it spurt and spout."

"Madness [10w] Madness isn't an objective state,it is a cultural bias."

"Do Me No Favors Haiku 'Do me no favors ~I can take care of myself.So, pay the check and drive me home."

"The Refugee I packed my car with cash and valuablesand headed for the border.At the first checkpoint they took my cash.At the second they took my valuables.At the border they took my car and my shoes.I walked barefoot the last 100 feet to freedom,and was greeted with open arms by a person I didn't recognize.In time I discovered that strangerwas the me they could not take from me."

"Kaddish Kaddish for Mrs. Ginsbergis not Kaddish,For your mom raised a Buddhistand mine raised a Jew.You'll zazen for your loss,I'll daven for mine.I do not belittle your loss,your grief is no less than mine.But by abandoning your tribe, אלון,Who now will say Kaddish for you?"

"Got Hate? When a hater cozily whispers shit in your ear about them,what does that say about you?"

"The ‘New House, New Luck’ Fallacy [10w] Switching external environment doesn't cure depression;change must occur internally."