#master-of-love

"The 2-Step Self-Discovery Program The first step in self-discovery is not giving a shit what anybody else thinks.The second step is knowing you're a self-centered asshole."

"New Year's Resolutions New Year's resolutions shouldn't be about doing new things;it should be about stopping to do the shitty things you're already doing."

"Inspiration vs. Plagiarism [10w] Inspiration is improving on another's idea;plagiarism is copy/paste piracy."

"A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap."

"Time [10w] {Couplet} Can there be more callous crimethan unkindly killing time?"

"Free Will [20w] A bunch of amino acids bumping up together is not the scientific explanation of free will, it's grilling a hamburger."

"Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house."

"Wine [10w] American wines tasting as good as French wines are presumptuous."

"The Poet's Limitless Imagination [10w] The stringy shit from my goldfish turns him into a kite."

"Divine Write [10w] To write is to divinely dabblein infinite alternate realities."

"What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms."

"Selfies [10w] Selfies allows you instant gratification and reminiscence all at once."

"No-brainers [10w] No-brainers are challenging enough for people with no fucking brains."

"Visual Pun [10w] Example of visual pun:cloud shaped like a banana peel."

"There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path."

"Breaking with Tradition is Tradition You can take the poem outside of tradition,but you can't take tradition out of the poem."

"God Created [10w] Lips were created to kiss and hands to make peace."

"Hung [10w] Being caught with your pants down is a hanging offense."

"Catalyst [10w] You're not lying if your lie helps engender the truth."

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."