#Master

"Crest Toothpaste: Look, Ma, no cavities!... ...that'll really piss off the TSA agents looking for contraband."

"Las Vegas Magic! I was the greatest magician in the world.Things were going great. My agent booked me to play the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas for $100,000 per performance!When I got onstage everything suddenly disappeared.I'm not sure if it was allan illusion or a delusion,but I cashed the check anyway just to be safe."

"Deadly Sex Haiku Each thrust of his cockwas another coffin nailhammered in my heart."

"What Women Want [10w] What women want is a feeling of security with abs."

"Celebrity [10w] Celebrity is an insignificant zit on the surface of history."

"What Might Have Been {Couplet} Dwell not upon what might have been,Within such idle spin, you can never win."

"Love Fades [10w] Like our love,Chinese painters show distance in faded grays."

"Tonight is For the Dying I've seen it grow dark ten-thousand times, yet never once mourned the loss of light, until tonight. Tonight I'm dying, dying, dying; before morn I may be ash in an urn, I know the light will return, maybe keeping ablaze its promise to others. Maybe not.If I had my druthers, the others would bedying, dying, dying, too,tonight."

"Revel in the Unraveling Being authentic is lifting the maskon who you think you should be seen as,and becoming at ease with your bare ass vulnerability.Revel in the unraveling,take courage in sharing your imperfections,and you'llincrease your loveexponentially."

"Self-Motivation [10w] "Today I'll do something more extraordinarythan I did yesterday."

"Mongolian, Temeenii'malgai The small fuzzy hat worn by camels that cross the Gobi desert. Usually stolen by natives of Ulaanbaatar for the groom's hat at weddings. The fuzz on the hat smells so bad that the groom is temporarily blinded and can't see how ugly the bride looks until it's too late."

"The Fate of Prodigies [10w] Early to peak, early to deal with obsolescence and obscurity."

"Doldrums People who live in the doldrumscan't throw caution to the wind."

"A Suicide's Regret "I cut my vein in vain;blood slowly oozes out.I should've cut an arteryand watch it spurt and spout."

"Wine [10w] American wines tasting as good as French wines are presumptuous."

"Truth {Couplet} Since every truth worth saying, has been already said,our job's to refine it, question it, or turn it on its head."

"Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges."

"The Universe Begins and Ends in Us If a telescope could see beyond the edges of the universe,we would see ourselves looking into a telescope trying to see beyond the edges of universe."

"Spirituality and Aging Spirituality comes naturally to the old because they're running out of options."

"Travel [10w] The difference between a traveler and vacationer is one arrives."