#personal-development

"New York Haiku "My monthly rent checkis more than you will make inyour fucking lifetime."

"Carrots and Creativity [10w] Put a carrot in front of you for optimal creativity."

"Hanzō Katana Poetry A poem should be forged and folded to perfection like a Hanzō katanaand as gentle as the mist it cuts through."

"Buddha (Haiku) Buddha, Enlightened,I rub your belly to blessmy Lotto ticket."

"Misfortune Misfortune is but a stepping stone to great fortune ~especially if your slip and fall was possibly caused by negligenceand you get yourself a good Jew lawyer to sue the parties responsible."

"Nevada Haiku 'Happens in Vegasstays in Vegas', long as youpay hos to shut up."

"Casualties of War The casualties of war are far, far morethan those lying dead on the battlefield floor."

"Penetrate the Mysteries "If you ever hope to penetrate the mysteries of the universe,you've got to buy her a drink first and then pretend you're listening."

"Goat Fucking for Dummies You gently fuck a female goat ~you got to ram the malesto make any progress."

"Creation "I shake my fist and there's bang.Stars sift like sand through my fingers;each swirl of my wrist a galaxy,every kiss imbued with a bit of me."

"I'm Not Talking About Fruitcake [10w] The greatest gifts are the ones that can be regifted."

"Go with your Gut Our eyes, our mind plays tricks.Our love muscle, our heartchooses blindly and impulsively.But our gut,ahh, our gut,always makes the wise choice ~and goes straight for the burning hot pocketsfresh out of the microwavebecause our mouthsahh, our mouths,never needed a roof in the first place."

"Retail Haiku [7w] LollapaloozaLiquidation Blowout Sale.Everything Must Go!"

"Memory Foam [10w] She had an ass like an elephants memoryfoam pillow."

"Grandma's Advice on Ambition "Children, if you aim for the stars you'll be impaled by small meteorites and become toast."

"O God O God I love you.I worship you, I need you.Everything I am is because of you.Everything.O God I hate you."

"Sometimes God is Drunk [10w] Satan's sudden appearance means God is on a drinking binge."

"Mythbusters [10w] Snipers will assure you safety in numbers is a myth."

"Dysfunctional Love We split up not because he or she didn't love us,but because they did love us in the only way they knew how."

"BFF, My Ass ~ It's a Jungle Out There! About one-third of all marriages are procured by sabotaging your best friend's happiness."