#personal-development

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Mongolian, Temeenii'malgai The small fuzzy hat worn by camels that cross the Gobi desert. Usually stolen by natives of Ulaanbaatar for the groom's hat at weddings. The fuzz on the hat smells so bad that the groom is temporarily blinded and can't see how ugly the bride looks until it's too late."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Russian, Umerzhurnalistka Someone who too many questions for his own good. Literally, 'Dead journalist'."

"Bridges [10w] Bridges are overpasses for commuters and roofs for the homeless."

"Cinco de Mayo [10w] What day do the dead party to celebrate the living?"

"Darkness Darkness is a decision the light cannot dissuade."

"Money Can't Buy Everything [10w] Money can't buy everything ~ but love is certainly no exception."

"Hidden [10w] A woman is an iceberg;we see less than 10%."

"Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house."

"Snob [10w[ I'm throwing a party so exclusive I'm not even invited."

"but,=""soft!=""what=""light=""through=""yonder=""window=""breaks?"=""[10w]="""Shut the fuck up! I think we got a burglar."

"Winning vs. Losing [10w] Too often the cost of winning is losing your soul."

"Athens, Texas Haiku Blackeyed Pea Capital of the World.Yup, just another shithole."

"Rooftop Poetry Sing poetry from rooftopslike a muzzein' s call for prayer."

"Epiphanies [10w] Epiphanies aren't intuitions of new ideas;they're rearranging existing information."

"Overheard at McDonalds "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.Are you going to finish those fries?"

"Expectation [10w] Eyes that see with expectation lieby not querying, 'Why."

"Retail [10w] The first and last sale of the day are best."

"Immortality [10w] True immortality means you've created something that will outlive you."