#relationships

"Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave."

"Crying in the Rain If you cry in the raindoes anybody but you know you're unhappy?"

"Hung [10w] Being caught with your pants down is a hanging offense."

"Witchcraft vs. Wordcraft [10w] Covens of witches convened at their annual unconventional Coven’s Convention."

"When I touched her body,I believed she was God.In the curves of her formI found the birth of Man,the creation of the world,and the origin of all life."

"Let's Celebrate! Photoshop Turns 25 This Week [10w] I bought a fake passport on Fiverr.Don't tell Mexico."

"Miro, I'm so sorry. I always felt such pity for you humans because you could only think of one thing at a time and your memories were so imperfect and . . . now I realize that just getting through the day without killing somebody can be an achievement."It gets to be a habit. Most of us manage to keep our body count quite low. It's the neighborly way to live."

"Memory Timeline of Divorce Divorce +1 year: "Just because we don't talk, it doesn't mean I can't stop thinking about you."Divorce +10 years: "The one good thing that came out of our marriage was our wonderful children."Divorce +20 year: "Who? Doesn't ring a bell."

"I wrapped your birthday present in carpet, because I bought you a floor. It’s so you have something other than me to walk all over."

"We walked to meet each other up at the time of our love and then we have been irresistibly drifting in different directions, and there's no altering that."

"Gray [10w] Since gray's the 'new black' things aren't black and white."

"Your first impulse is to share good news, your second is to club someone with it."

"Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me.""Do you mean you want a secretary or something?""No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool."

"So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it."

"Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side."

"You do not get what you wish for, unless it be known to the source of your desire."

"Entrepreneurs [10w] A man should be judged by the companyhe sells."

"Schmuck [10w] + {Couplet} Show kindness to a schmuck,it's guaranteed you'll get fucked."

"I used to gorge on gorgeous women, but now I look for things that can’t be seen with the eyes, but are only detected by the heart. This is love."

"Using the Backdoor If we compare writing computer code to sex,then hacking would be anal sex."