#relationships

"When you're here, I'm there for you. And when you're there, I'm here for you."

"I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed."

"I use two yards of wrapping paper per one inch of present. Luckily I gave you the gift of love, so I was able to wrap it in tinfoil. Uncover before reheating."

"Friendships are nice. So is competence."

"A pitcher throws baseballs, but a pitcher also holds liquid. My emotions are so fluid I wonder how large the pitcher would have to be to hold my heart. Probably 6’3”."

"Everyone disliked their partners at some time or another, she knew that. But she’d spent her hours in the dark wondering whether she’d ever liked him. Would it really have been so much worse to spend those years alone? Why did there have to be someone else in the room while she was eating, watching TV, sleeping?"

"Last night I was seriously considering whether I was a bisexual or not but I don’t think so though I’m not sure if I’d like to be and argh I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, if you like a person, you like the person, not their genitals."

"Schmuck [10w] + {Couplet} Show kindness to a schmuck,it's guaranteed you'll get fucked."

"The wind may be invisible, but it’s colored by memories of you, as you gently blew into my life, adding motion and emotion to my still-beating heart."

"What's Hot [10w] + {Couplet} We incorrectly assume what's hotis becoming what we're not."

"Heart My heart jumps every time you walk through the door.It's not love.I have an arrhythmia."

"Oxford, England Haiku City shrouded in fogand within the blinding mist we found each other."

"Invisible Attraction What's invisible to the eye is that as you move towards love,love moves towards you."

"I know I love her, because when I see her my heart beats like a drum. If she played guitar and sang, we could start a band."

"Children and Food [10w] Once children order like grown-upsfood's lost its sweet innocence."

"Loneliness [10w] Loneliness is GPS equipped new Mercedeswith nowhere to go.****************"

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"Breathe inhale.exhalerepeatThat should solve 90% of your problems.For the other 10% ask your local Rabbi."

"Lost Love [10w] + {Couplet} Lost love's the season of mists,Though they are gone, memory persists."

"A family can be the bane of one's existence. A family can also be most of the meaning of one's existence. I don't know whether my family is bane or meaning, but they have surely gone away and left a large hole in my heart."