#self-esteem-self-help-book

"The Bard's Haikus about Haiku Listen to Shakespeare,'Iambic pentameterand haiku don't mix.'A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise mannever writes haiku.If you tickle usdon't we laugh? If you wrong usshall we not haiku?The good men dolives after them; the evil'sinterred with haikus.Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some scribblesome shitty haikus."

"The Poet's Limitless Imagination [10w] The stringy shit from my goldfish turns him into a kite."

"Cheeky Poets [10w] Remember 'poetry' lies between 'pitiful' and 'poop' in the dictionary."

"Il Principe 2015: Lesson 1 - The Balls If humility is what's all important to your adversary,humble yourself before him,and you've got him by the balls."

"Over [10w] It's never ever over because the fat lady can't sing."

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."

"Credo of a Substitute Teacher I'm a 'sugar free' substitute teacher.I speak frankly and never gave any of my studentsa single word of encouragement.Why should I? Even after 10 years the school hasn't given me a pension, health insurance or paid sick leave.So fuck 'em.Fuck 'em all."

"Shakespeare vs. Keynesian Economics {Couplet} If 'Neither a lender nor a borrower be',investments would dry up, economies stagnate,and off to the poorhouse go you and me."

"Embittered [10w] "His heart blistered like paint peeling from an old rig."

"Put it All on Black' [10w] God doesn't play dice with the universe;He prefers roulette."

"Pun vs. Puny [10w] + {Couplet} "His penis was a pun,judging by the predictable groans.The hours set by innuendos,the seconds by the moans."

"Buddha (Haiku) Buddha, Enlightened,I rub your belly to blessmy Lotto ticket."

"Sink or Swim [10w] Lovers master the breaststroke, the crawl and the muff dive."

"What is God? (60) [10w] God's always the correct answer once you rephrase the question."

"Got Hate? When a hater cozily whispers shit in your ear about them,what does that say about you?"

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. [10w] + {Couplet} Network TV's insistent stupidity to the Outer Limits pushes me."

"Let's get physical, physical [10w] All physical contact is meaningful,even if meaningful means sleazy."

"Inspiration vs. Plagiarism [10w] Inspiration is improving on another's idea;plagiarism is copy/paste piracy."

"Galoshes Haiku Cherry blossoms bloomin the morning mist.Thank God I took my galoshes."

"Tennessee State Motto Agriculture and Commerce.Where the KKK was bornand the most popular pick up line is, 'Nice tooth!"