#self-esteem-self-help-book

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"Meaning of Life {Couplet} Life's but the love and laughter we've amassed,the friendships forged that shall outlastpossessions, station and renown,the make-up palette of a clown."

"Goose Neck [10w] Whenever a goose has a car accident, the traffic sucks."

"Who, Me? We marry nearly the same person over and over again,hoping next time they'll get it right."

"What is the Meaning of Life? [10w] {3} To create its meaning every day we live and love."

"Moment of Truth 'Moment of truth' is derived fromthe Spanish momento de la verdad, that Hemingway epiphanous moment when the matador is about to kill the bull. Now it means the moment you realize you won't make it back to the parking meter before it expires ~sometimes expressed as, Motherfucker!"

"Dogs [10w] Dogs never lie about love,but occasionally fake an orgasm."

"Natural Born Killers [10w] After their first,every soldier becomes a natural born killer."

"Past is Past [10w] Lovers should clearly avoid obsessing about each other's romantic past."

"Dangerous Food [10w] The world's most fattening foods are the ones you swallow."

"Oy Vey Haiku (g)Nat's sphincter clenched.The skinhead asked, 'You a Jew?Minyan's one man short."

"Where's Ralph Waldo Emerson When you Need Him? A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds;as opposed to bigger hobgoblins with bigger dicks, doing all sorts of ghoulish shit behind the Venetian blinds."

"Clairol 2: Hair color so natural only her hairdresser knows for sure... ...but he's gay and already Tweeted it to 300 people."

"Ethical Dilemma of an Ascending Body [10w] + [10w] You can't ascend a ladderwithout rungs to push back;you can't climb a staircasewithout stairs to step on."

"1953 It seems the world has gone downhill since the year Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Everest."

"Patience [10w] Patience is the most technologically advanced form of energy efficiency."

"Depression vs. Death Depression is anger turned within causing misery and hopelessness.Death is hate turned within until it totally eats you alive."

"War [10w] When leaders threaten war,they’re breaking dirt on our graves."

"Tofino, Canada Haiku Free flowing clothes,Strumming guitar on the beach.Still my baggage follows me."

"Preparation [10w] Hope for the best, but prepare for your insufferable wife."