#self-improvement-book

"Love [10w] Love is a time machineset to your perfect present"

"Pedestals [10w] People should not be placed on pedestals unless they're stuffed."

"Leaps of Faith [10w] Like religion, leaps of faith are behind all idealistic movements."

"What happens when you trip China's Premier Li Keqiang on a banana peel? Your wind up with an even more slippery slope."

"Doublemint Gum: Double your pleasure. Double your fun... ...we're talking ménage à trois, you son of a gun."

"Socrates [10w] "I know less than you.That's how smart I am!"

"Imitation [10w] Art imitates life.Life imitates art.I just imitate imitation."

"Chutzpah {Limerick} Despite your unmitigated audacity,you're effrontery remains one of opacity.Let me suggest you turn Jewand learn chutzpah too,to realize your fullest capacity."

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"Obscure Poetry Obscurity does not make a poem better or deeper.It simply makes it obscure."

"Stratospherical Poems [10w] Poets circle the earth in a higher orbit than readers."

"Epic vs. Great Poetry [10w] Epic poetry's about the extraordinary;Great poetry is about the commonplace."

"War [10w] When leaders threaten war,they’re breaking dirt on our graves."

"The Bard's Haikus about Haiku Listen to Shakespeare,'Iambic pentameterand haiku don't mix.'A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise mannever writes haiku.If you tickle usdon't we laugh? If you wrong usshall we not haiku?The good men dolives after them; the evil'sinterred with haikus.Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some scribblesome shitty haikus."

"Rewrite☷Rewrite [10w] Happiness writes new memories;New losses rewrite over old ones."

"Siesta Mud tracked from the rice fields blazon a pathFrom kitchen to cellar escaping noon’s wrath.A quiet siesta to break the ordealOf scything and sifting and spinning the wheel.Half a dream later he returns to the fieldTo seeding earth’s furrows. massaging its yield.And when Sun descends gravely back to her tombHe tracks back to the kitchen, the cellar, his room."

"As Long As It Has a Fast Internet Connection {Couplet} I need a cozy den to winter in,a hiberaculum away from the city's din."

"Hate Recycle Bin When you empty your hate recycle binit frees up more memory to write even better poetry.Just try it and tell me this isn't true!"

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"Journalist asks me whether I can sit down for an interview... Sorry, I can't talk now. I'm busy writing up a storm.How about tomorrow?Sorry, tomorrow I'm bust conjuring up a tornado."