#self-improvement-book

"Journalist asks me whether I can sit down for an interview... Sorry, I can't talk now. I'm busy writing up a storm.How about tomorrow?Sorry, tomorrow I'm bust conjuring up a tornado."

"Hope for the Heartbroken A broken heartremains in piecesbut learns to love againwith every fragment."

"If You Can't Think, You've No Right to Speak [10w] Our Constitution's guarantee of free speech specifically excludes fucking idiots."

"Enough [10w] Enough's the only thing most people can't get enough of."

"One Size Fits All Life Strategy Smile first.Ask questions later."

"Adult Pretend [10w] "I'm tired of playing 'pretend';let's play 'get-real, bitch."

"Rainbows and Gratuitous Violence Whenever I see a rainbow, I want to punch a penguin in the face."

"Hate Recycle Bin When you empty your hate recycle binit frees up more memory to write even better poetry.Just try it and tell me this isn't true!"

"To Trend or Not to Trend I've had a thousand trending poems,they were rarely my best.Evoking empathy and shared feelingis the poet's only true test."

"Gone to the Dogs [10w] All ideals corrupt into ideology to sustain the social order."

"Sex Kitchens of the Future [10w] Her entire kitchen was made of silicone ~ including her breasts."

"Rhyme vs. Reason {Couplet} Do not try to make rhyme of reason,nor reason of rhyme;For the former's too systematic,the latter's too sublime."

"First Things First [10w] God created the possibility of absurditybefore he created man."

"Ode to a Wastepaper Basket I love the way you sit in the corner,gracious like a lover,catching my every crumpled vanity."

"Small Packages [10w] Great things come in small packages from a geological perspective."

"Rules of Etiquette [10w] Rules of etiquette are pretend manners for the lower classes."

"New Year's Revolving Door [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} 2015's revolution commences with the overthrow of New Year's resolution.Seek not absolutionfor our weak character's immune to evolution."

"Poetry in a Bottle [10w] If you could bottle poetry you'd have one addictive drink."

"Shiva Haiku Sitting shiva.One more day of thisand I'll die of boredom."

"How to End Racism [10w] The children of interracial marriages should look like panda bears."