#Silly

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute."

"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."

"The sides of buildings should be like the tops of lakes. I’d fish through your window hoping to catch a smile."

"Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy."